Ultrasound/Heartscan

Jamie and our lucky coconut after the ultrasound.

Despite all of my worrying the ultrasound/heart scan went wonderfully today.  The ultrasound technician looked at my ovaries first since they had been reported as swollen at transfer.  They look normal now.  She then showed us the sack which looked empty as she measured it.  She zoomed in closer and we saw a little "blob" on the right side of the sack and once she zoomed even closer I saw a flicker which she pointed to...the tiniest most beautiful heartbeat...our little star was  sparkling!  J still couldn't see what we were looking at so she zoomed a bit more and he saw it.  149 beats per minute and the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.  As I laid there and he stood next to me we held hands and squeezed harder at that moment and we both cried.  I will never forget that moment.  I would repeat this entire IVF roller coaster ride again for that one moment.  The ultrasound technician was so nice and smiled with us as we smiled.  She even zoomed in and tried to make a 3D out of our little star!  What is so amazing is seeing the shape, like the tiniest baby doll ever.  I love this baby.

The u/s tech printed pictures for us, we have enough to make a small album!  I was really moved when she typed B_A_B_Y next to the beating heart.  We went back out to the waiting room to wait for the exam which was scheduled next with the Dr.  I looked over the photos while J stepped out to call his Mom.  He came back and just released all of the emotion he had been holding onto for weeks.  I think he internalized a lot of his fears that this would all go wrong.  I have my blog to release my fears but J holds onto his and it comes out in moments like this.  We sat on the waiting room sofa and I think it all set in for him-we are okay and we have a baby on the way.  Yes, it is really happening.  I asked for a hug and I got one eventually, and he released a little more of what he held onto for so long as he laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arm around me.  A minute later he took a bag out of his pocket and said "I got this so you would remember today."  It's the most beautiful ring from Swarovski.  I am so lucky to have a thoughtful husband.  He always marks special occasions like these with the most beautiful gifts.  The ring is a solid piece of crystal that wraps all the way around my finger like our little one will be one day.  It's the ring I wanted before our wedding...just a fun cocktail ring.  I will wear it when we go out many times I am sure.

We were called back to the exam room and Dr. O reviewed everything and said it all looks super and then he said our due date is February 2-Ground Hog Day.  He went over some general things to know for pregnancy and then...he did something I totally didn't expect...He released us!  So we need to find a new OB and make an appointment.  It's hard to think that we will be in the mainstream with regular pregnancy people.  I feel fortunate to have made it this far. 

I'm looking ahead with a smile and I am letting the worries about whether or not this pregnancy is viable go.  The Dr. gave me all I need to give myself permission to let go and trust and that's what I am going to do.  I've hesitated about when I would add a pregnancy development gadget on my blog and I think that today is fitting.  I am adding it to the side of my blog today to mark today as the day that I gave up worrying "What if" and started thinking "It's real."

"Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you."

- Unknown