Monday, August 30, 2010

Nursery ideas for a boy.

I always thought that planning a girls nursery would be far easier than planning a boys.  Of course we don't know what we are having yet and won't for a couple more weeks but for some reason I have a boys nursery all thought out and I have zero ideas for  girls nursery.  Jamie is 100% sure it's a girl so I may be wasting time here but I thought I would share my ideas so far for a boy's room.

I was inspired by this picture:

LOOOVVVE IT|!   I love the orange and aqua and want to add a splash of brown for contrast.  Being that we have a dog and are dog people a dog pillow sounds perfect.  This room was pricey but as I do with everything I plan to bargain shop and use the heck out of Craigslist.  This way I can splurge on some other things.

Here are some other pictures of the bedding in the picture above... 

So clean and bright.  Okay, so there are animals on this crib set and it's expensive.  It comes from Serena and Lily .   I love the colors and the box style bumper but I am not in love with the animals.  I love the idea of adding the dog pillow though and I could be talked into having a light animal theme that isn't screaming ANIMALS!  I'd prefer to have no theme at all but I realize a child will be living in here and there needs to be some attraction to a kiddo. 

Have you been to  ETSY?  It's kind of like ebay but you don't bid and it's all handmade items.  LOVE IT!  I found a person on there to make custom bedding with the patterns below for one hundred bucks less than the set above and with no animals.  I could choose multiple patterns for the bumper and skirt and one for the sheet set.  I don't care for the bikes, birds or circles so much but I love the sunbursts, the stripes, than center pattern and the dots.  These are the same colors in the inspiration picture above so I feel it would be a great alternative to the expensive set. 

So after saying all of this...I could go with animals or no animals.  Honestly, I think I would lean towards the animals even as dead set against themes as I am...I think they are cute and understated and give me a reason to put Wilson's picture on a pillow.  :)  Curtains would be cute with this set as well.   So that's what I like for a boy's room so far.  It doesn't see like much but I have SCOURED the Internet and this is it folks-this is all I like!
Stay tuned for girl options, so far every thing I see looks like the color pink puked it's guts out on a nursery.  It could be a while before I have plans for this one.  I've scoured the Internet for this too but don't have a clear thought.  Perhaps I will put some of the random ideas I have found out there and see what you think.

Here's one picture I like but I am just not sure about green in a girls room...

Oh yeah, also...our friends gave us a TON of baby stuff last night.  We have a car seat, a bath tub, a bassinet, a changing pad, about 40 avent bottles and a crap load of toys!  Next weekend I am organizing our basement so I can put it all in one area until we use it all.  Very exciting!  Our dining room looks like a kiddie store

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Cold = Dizzies / Brother is sick / New IF neighbors!!!!

The nurse called me this morning and reported that my blood work was fine.  She really thinks the dizziness is due to my cold.  She asked what I have been taking and I told her Tylenol cold.  She suggested I switch to sudafed.  I went to Wags at lunch and got a box.  Let's hope this works.  The dizziness is coming more frequently and sticking around longer.  I am back to getting dizzy when I close my eyes which makes sleeping hard. 

On another brother called me from the hospital today.  He has meningitis.  They just did a spinal tap on him and he has a lot of pressure in his head.  Please put him in your thoughts.  I am worried about him.  I can't go visit him and feel helpless.  I promised him I would make him tortilla soup when he gets home but I won't even be able to deliver it.  Poor thing.  No word on how his wife or baby are.  I hear it's highly contagious so I am thinking of them as well.  They won't know until Saturday if it's life threatening or not. 
I have a first!  I walked down the to snack shoppe in our building with a couple of girls from my department and was just standing around while they selected their purchases when Donna the lady that works the counter in the snack shoppe asked me if I was expecting!!!!  I was so caught off guard!  I thought, "she must be referring to a package of some sort or have me mistaken for someone else"  I grabbed my stomach and said "um, yes."  She was so excited and asked when I was due.  We all started talking about February babies.  It was neat!  I told the two girls I was with once we left that I couldn't believe she asked me that and they both said I definitely have a round belly.  How about that!  Donna did mention that her son was born in February and that her shower was on Superbowl Sunday which I thought was cool!  I always imagined having a shower with men and women present.  She had a shower like that and the guys watched the superbowl in one room while the girls were in the other and they mingled off and on!  How funny is that! 

We have new neighbors!  Our former neighbor had mentioned that the new couple was pregnant with twins and that they had a hard time getting pregnant.  He had no idea we were in the midst of an IVF cycle when he told us this news.  So the old neighbor moved out and the new neighbors moved in and the husband is really nice.  The wife has been on bed rest at a nearby hospital.  They are due in September and she may get to come home tomorrow if all goes well.  They used clomid and a couple/few rounds of IUI.  We shared our IVF story with him so that's cool.  So neat to have neighbors that are due just a few months before us!

I've been looking at nursery stuff a lot lately.  I want to have a general idea for a boy's room and a girl's room so when we find out the sex we can start doing the fun stuff.  I found a crib I like for a girl on Craigslist.  There are a few of the same style ranging from $40 to $125 so I think we are good there!  Just have to figure out a boys room.  I will post pictures soon!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I've got the dizzies...again.

(This is exactly what it's like!)

Well,  a couple of days ago I had a couple of light dizzy spells.  I had another one at work yesterday in the ladies room where I fell into a wall.  Then in the middle of the night last night I got up to use the bathroom and the trip from the bed to the bathroom was like something out of a fun house.  I ran into the dresser and then a wall before making it to the bathroom.  I can't believe I made it to the toilet.  I was scared to fall through my shower door.  This morning I was sitting at my desk when it happened again.  The last time I had the dizzies my primary physician told me I had a bladder infection and I was placed on antibiotics.  The spinning went away.  I talked to my OB's nurse this morning and told her I had the spins again and told her that last time my Primary Doctor said it was a bladder infection and gave me antibiotics.  She was surprised to hear that a bladder infection would make me dizzy.  She said that usually when pregnant women get dizzy it's because they are anemic or have fluid built up.  She checked my chart and said my last blood test didn't show anemia so she was wondering if the cold I have has caused a build up of fluid around my ears causing dizziness.  She ordered a blood test for me so I went and had that done at 10:30 this morning and I haven't heard anything back.  So I will keep waiting and update when I find out what's going on. 

I told Jamie the other day...if it's not one thing it's another right now.  Geeze.  I've never had so many issues at once.  It's pretty bad when the nurse says "Didn't you call in Monday about asthma issues?"  Yep!  That's me.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Video! Telling J's Grandmother and weekend update.

Click on this link to see J tell his Grandmother that we are expecting.  Her reaction is priceless!

Busy weekend!  Now that the party is over I had some time to get the house back in order.  Jamie and I spent a lot of time catching up on things we had put off around the house.  Oil changes, car cleaning, dismantling party decor, cleaning out possible nursery rooms, etc.  I have a certain room I would like to use if we have a girl and a different room I would like to use if we have a boy.  The girls room is larger because we have a trundle bed I would like to use in there eventually-that is if we ever have a girl. 

Saturday night we started looking at options for boy and girls nursery's on line.  We both like .  I always thought I would want a pottery barn nursery until Restoration Hardware came out with their nursery line.  LOVE IT!  I'm not into themes for babies as I don't really know what he/she is into and I want the babies room to look like it belongs in our home.  We won't be buying furniture from RH, just recreating this type of look.

We started wishing we knew if we were having a boy or a girl so we could move forward with either a boy or a girls nursery.  This got us talking about different tests that are talked about on the Internet for finding out the sex.  There's the gender prediction test you buy at Walgreen's for $35, but everyone I have seen take it has found out they are having the opposite sex from what the test revealed.  There's the Drano test where you mix Drano and urine to find out what the sex is and there's the needle on a string test where you see if the needle moves side to side or in a circle to get the answer.  We debated on the first two and tried the needle and string since we had this around the house but it hung there like a noodle. 

Sunday I woke up determined to start a project to ready the house for a baby and if it wasn't going to be decorating a nursery then I would organize!!!!!  I love organizing.  So I went to Target and got a lot of new bins and grabbed my trusty label maker and organized two bathrooms and two closets.  Boy, that felt good!  The kitchen may be next and then there's a wet bar behind bi-fold doors that I plan to make into a baby changing station so that we have a changing station on the first floor and the second floor.  There's currently a sink in there now but I think I would like to rip the sink out and replace the counter top to make one large changing counter complete with shelves installed above...oh I love this kind of stuff.  Home projects make my heart pitter patter.  :)

Friday I had an appointment with my primary physician and was given a breathing treatment and a few prescriptions.  They ordered a nebulizer to be delivered to my home which I received last night and I started taking symbicort which doesn't thrill me as it's a category C drug but it's important that I breathe so baby can breathe so I guess it's the lesser of evils.  I checked it out with my OB and it's fine for me to take these drugs.  My primary doctor also called in a prescription for more antibiotics and told me to fill it if I needed it but I am going to hold off on these.  I really hate putting so many things in my body right now.  I think my cold is   s l o w l y   going away so I don't want to take the antibiotics yet.

On another appetite may be getting better.  I had bacon and eggs on Saturday morning and Saturday night I had a BLT!  I had it all prepared and was about to sit down to eat it when Jamie looked at it and said "I think you can do it."  It was beautiful and yummy.  I ate about 3/4's of it.  I'm also eating a lot of fruit and this extra sharp white cheddar cheese from Trader Joe's that I am in love with as well this weekend.  J likes the cheese too so we are out and I need to get more...I hope he never finds out what the price of that cheese is....sorry honey!

Still feeling like crap health wise but happier than ever and more excited than ever.  I feel so fortunate every single day no matter how sick I feel-it's such an honor to be pregnant and I am trying to enjoy it despite the way I feel.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Cloth Diaper Intro and...Exit

Jamie and I had lunch on Friday and made our way to Cotton Babies in St. Louis to get an introduction to cloth diapering.  I have always felt that I should be open to all options until I have enough information to make a decision and since I knew nothing about cloth diapering I needed a lesson before making a decision on what we would use to cover our kids tush.   A very nice lady helped us at Cotton Babies and gave us a run through of the all-in-one cloth diapers.  It was interesting to say the least.  I had no idea there were so many ways to deal with pee and poo.  Dealing with pee and poo doesn't really bother me, I nannied for 9 years for various families.  I have changed newbie dipes all the way up to 12 year old dipes and I have cleaned more "explosions" than I care to remember (you know...the poo up the back and out the leg holes?  The type of explosion where you look at the wipes and think "I better go straight for the bath tub").  None of the families I nannied for ever used cloth diapers so I didn't know much about CD's but I was open to learning and open to introducing it into our lives.  I wanted to learn not so much to save money or because it was "what's best for the baby" but because I know traditional diapers have a huge impact on our environment.  One baby in traditional diapers will make a ton of waste and that ton of waste will take 500 years to decompose in a landfill.  When you multiply this amount of waste times all the babies using traditional diapers in the world you really get a sense of how much it affects landfills.

I have to say this store was awesome and I would totally visit again as they had more than just CD's.   The lady started by showing me the two most popular all-in-ones and then showed us how they work.  Jamie was on a work call for the first part but we went back over the two kinds and filled him in.  The lady told us all about the flip diaper and the 4.0.  She showed us the spray attachment for the toilet to clean off poo, talked to us about the different stages of poo and how to react to those different types of poo, showed us the dryer sheet looking things that can go between poo and the diaper if we choose to use those.  She showed us what type of bag to put in our diaper bag to hold diapers full of poo.  She told us about the detergents we can use to wash the CD's, how to hang dry them, how to color code them so we would know which CD's would have two absorbent pads for overnights and which would have only one.  The special method to use if rash creams were used, how to separate the dipes from the pads and what type of bin to use to store them to conceal the smell. 

At one point I remember looking at J and thinking I wonder if he is still paying attention because I checked out a few minutes ago.  One glance and I knew he was out too.  He was looking around the store, checking his phone and had a glazed over look on his face. 

We left shortly after, both in cloth diaper shock. 

After discussing it more that night we agreed that we were glad we went but we knew cloth diapering wasn't for us.  I know that if we used CD's we would come up with a system that would work and it wouldn't be that overwhelming after a while but it seemed like a lot of hassle to me just for the sake of poo.  We agreed to exit the world of cloth diapering and enter traditional diapering. 

I feel that raising a baby is hard enough with out the pressure of cloth diapering.  I don't think my baby will grow up to be a different person because they didn't have flips or 4.0's and I pray their bum will be just fine despite our decision.  I give mad props to those who use CD's and are committed.  I am amazed at all you do for poo.  :)  When I am done cleaning poo off of my babies back, crack and crevices I want to be done with it.   I want to dispose of it and never look back, not have to scrape it into a toilet, not have to separtate my diapers, just throw it away.  In response to our visit to the world of cloth diapering on Friday, Saturday we went to Sam's and bought two boxes of newborn diapers and one box of wipes to help cushion our pockets next year.   We will buy a couple of boxes of different sizes each time we visit Sam's and hopefully that will take even more stress off of us next year. 

Now, I can't do anything about the diapers in the landfills since we aren't going with CD's and I do feel bad about that but I will just have to step up my recycling game and keep driving my prius to help our earth!  Doesn't driving a hybrid get me some brownie points here?  :)

Friday, August 20, 2010

16 week OB appointment and cloth diapers

Our appointment with Dr. B went well last night.  He has evening hours twice a week so J and I are both able to work a full day before going to our appointment.  I weighed in first and had lost three pounds since my last visit one month ago.  The nurse didn't seem worried and Dr. B didn't either.  I let them know I still wasn't eating much and Dr. B is thinking that maybe the fact I am sick is prolonging my aversion to most foods.  He said most women are getting over this feeling by now.  He thinks in a couple weeks or so I should be liking food again.  I was glad to see they weren't worried.  I could relax a little bit as I was feeling really guilty about that. 

The next item I wanted to discuss is how sick I have been for a week now.  Dr. B listened to my breathing and said I sounded tight and said he was glad I was going to my family Doctor for changes to my asthma medication.  I told him how many times I was taking my inhaler and he didn't fall on the floor so that's nice.  When I became pregnant and asked my regular Doctor about switching to a different inhaler they asked me how often I take my rescue inhaler currently.  I said once or twice a week which was standard for me.  They said I could stay on it since I was taking it so few times per week.  Dr. B said he thought it would be best to switch meds and try to get on a ten day system to clear my lungs up or an every day preventative oral medication.  Sounds good.  After a quick exam he said my cervix felt good and my uterus is growing nicely.  Then he got out the doppler and we heard stars heartbeat.  So clear and beautiful.  It's so reassuring to hear that heart beat.  We talked to Dr. B in his office afterwards and he was concerned about my blood type last time after looking at my blood work from my last appointment.  My blood came up RH- but after J and I told him I took an injection for that at my RE's office he was relieved.  I will have to take another injection at 7 months and then the baby and I may have to get one at birth.

The best news is that we get to find out if we are having a girl or a boy at our next visit!!!!!!  September 16 at 4:30 can't get here soon enough!  We are so excited and every time this was mentioned or even when 20 weeks was mentioned Jamie grinned from ear to ear.  I grinned at watching him grin.  The bummer is that since it's a diagnostic test there are no cameras or videos allowed.  :(  I hear it's a very long ultrasound as they are doing a full anatomy scan of the baby so I am looking forward to that and the fact that this will be my first external ultrasound. 

In other news Jamie and I have started researching cloth diapers.  My friend Julia (from college) has the most amazing blog and reviews everything from cloth diapers to breast pumps.  She uses the cloth diapers and did a great review of the different brands on her blog.  I think we have decided to go with the bumgenius 4.0 cloth diaper system but I need to do more research!  It grows with the baby from 7 pounds until they are potty trained.  It will be a big investment up front but will be a huge money saver in the end.  Cloth diapers have come a long way.  I will write more on this later.  We may go to a cloth diaper store this week to check them out in person and ask more questions.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

16 weeks - Four Months!

How far along?  16 weeks!  (Whoa...)

Baby's size? An avacado!

Weight Gain? I'm hoping I will have gained a pound or two when I weigh at the Dr.'s office today.

Maternity clothes?   Oh boy.  I walked into a maternity store for the first time last week and I tell you I walked right back out!  One look around and I was like "What the...?"  I'm not ready to tie my tops in the back and look all matronly!  No thank you!  I just went out and bought XL tops that were loose fitting to buy myself some time before going back there.  Not to mention that they really charge out the a$$ at those maternity stores because they know they've gotcha!  I'm just not ready to spend that type of money to look so matronly!

Sleep? Ehh.  I'm sick right now so I wake up constantly choking and hacking my brains out.  Poor Jamie wakes up each time and pats my back or rubs my arm.  He asked me if I wanted some hot tea the other sweet but I don't think we have hot tea so I was a little confused as to where he would get the hot tea at 3 AM.  I think he offered lemon too...I don't think we have lemons.  He's so cute.  Ha ha!  Last night I woke up at 1:00 and 4:00 coughing and choking.  It's crazy.

Food?  Puh-lease.  No.

Best moment this week? Vacation with my girls in Michigan and finally having J to myself after a week!

Movement? Not yet.  I have felt a few flutters, the first flutters came the morning of the party we threw but I don't think it's the baby.

Symptoms?  You know, besides not eating, the only other symptoms are acid reflux, laziness and irritability.  I have been snippy for the last few weeks.  Not at all towards Jamie but towards inanimate objects.  I did take out frustration on a drawer a couple weeks ago.  I couldn't get it back in to the rubbermade holder it belonged in with other drawers after a few attempts when I just threw the drawer down and yelled something.  Jamie asked "What's your problem?" from the other room and then he must have thought better about it because he said "Forget I asked that!"  Ha ha!  I don't know what it is but my patience is so thin.

Gender?   This week I am thinking it's a girl but as always expecting a boy.  I really always wanted a sister growing up and I would love a little girl but I know boys better than girls I must admit.  Jamie is convinced it's a girl because of the way I am eating.  I guess I kind of hope it's a girl as well because I know if we have a girl Jamie will want to try again for a boy, but if we have a boy he will be more hesitant to try again.  Whatever the case we will be thrilled! 

What I miss? Feeling well.  Ready to get over this cold. 

What I'm looking forward to? Finding out the sex of the baby and today's appointment with our OB.

Weekly Wisdom: Make sure you take off the plane what you brought on the plane.

Milestones: Jamie bought our star it's very first onezie!  He was at a Phish concert this weekend and texted me to tell me he bought star a gift.  Now, to most people this wouldn't be a big deal but my husband LOVES Phish and they have a song called Run like an Antelope.  Here you go!  The back has the Phish logo.

What I love: Reminders that I am pregnant though I don't feel I have hard evidence yet.  Getting off the sofa and sitting up from a lay down position is harder now because it feels like I have a water balloon in my belly.  I love telling people I am pregnant too.  I did it for the first time yesterday at work while having a conversation with a co-worker.  I couldn't believe I said it, it felt funny.  Especially after running into an old friend from high school on the plane and having her tell me she was due in March.  DUH!  You would think I would have said something with my baby due a month ahead of hers but I didn't.  It's so strange...I still feel like an imposter.  Maybe I'm breaking out of it.  I feel like I won't believe it myself until I have an obvious bump.

Emotions:   Just pissy.  That's so bad but it's true.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Oh Crappy Days .

Be prepared-there's alot of bitching in this post. I will fill in my sixteen week/four month(!!!) post tomorrow or Friday.

All I have wanted for weeks now is for my life to return to normal.  No party planning, no traveling, just home with Jamie.  Normal.  I couldn't wait to get back from my girls weekend for that reason.  I would finally have time to relax and just be pregnant without so many stresses.  The girls weekend was fabulous by the way.  I was sick the entire weekend but I was surrounded by three of my favorite girls who took great care of me and made me laugh.  I guess things started going crappy once I got off the plane.  I realized I left two new towels on the plane that I had bought from the Polo outlet during our vacation.  I called the ass holes, inredibly helpful,  and friendly people at the airlines lost and found for two days and sure enough-the towels mysteriously weren't there.   I figured that anything in a Polo outlet bag had a target on it anyway.  I knew it was a gonner but figured I would call anyway.  An hour later I received a text from our house sitter saying our hot water was out.  Fun times.  All I wanted was a hot shower after traveling and when I finally did shower it was like the water was fresh from a glacier.  $1000.00 later we have a new water heater!

For the last 6 days I have been so sick while my immune system has checked out.  I know it is protecting the baby but I miss my immune system.  I haven't been this sick in probably 8 years.  I can't lie down because I cough continuously so I sleep sitting up which is difficult for me.  I cough so hard sometimes that I gag and my nose is constantly stuffy.  My ribs ache from all of the coughing.  This has all made for some crappy days.  I was late to work on Monday...three hours late because I got no sleep the night before. 
So I walk inside last night and get in my comfy clothes because I feel so restricted in work clothes now, I make my way to the living room and freak out on my dog when I realize he has taken three peaches off of the counter and eaten them to their pits (We are always amazed that he knows not to eat the banana peels from bananas or pits from peaches...)there is orange colored peach ALL OVER MY BRAND NEW CARPET.  I have rarely if ever yelled at Wilson but he knew to be afraid of me, I was like a raging bull!  He cowered in the corner of the dining room and then sought shelter under the desk chair where he stayed for two hours.  I cried and scrubbed and cried and scrubbed just feeling bad for the day I was having.  I got most of the carpet cleaned up and knew I had to eat something.  Last time I weighed (Tuesday) I was half a pound under what I was when I started IVF in May.  Not good at four months pregnant.  Nothing sounds good, I am just eating at this point whatever won't make me sick and simply eating to provide something for the baby.  We had nothing at home to eat so I get dressed again, walk to the office to give Wilson a glare and leave.  I returned with veggie tortilla soup, cucumber tomato salad and waffles.  I have four bites of soup and dinner is over.  I can't eat any more.  This has been how every night is.  Saturday while with the girls I ordered a cheese pizza at dinner only to have it come to the table and not touch it.  Thank goodness I had a cup of gazpacho before hand.  I wake up to my stomach growling in the middle of the night  if I don't eat dinner.  It's so frustrating.  I am hungry but nothing sounds good.  Jamie's been amazing about it and keeps telling me to go out and get whatever I need but honestly that often involves driving far-I drove fifteen minutes the other night just for salad and pasta con broccoli.

I don't know what to do about food.  I keep hoping my appetite will come back but it hasn't at all.  I have an appointment Friday with my regular doctor because my asthma is out of control and I am taking my inhaler around 10 times a day when it's supposed to be 2 times a week.  I am only surviving this cold because I take Tylenol cold medicine every four hours which isn't even doing that much for me.  I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow as well and I fear I will break down in front of him.  I don't feel like I am doing anything right, not sleeping, not eating enough, taking too many bad medicines...I'm's just a lot.  The guilt surrounding the things I fear are affecting the baby is so much.

Wilson and I made up later.  I was watching TV and after lifting his head and making eye contact with me many times he bravely decided to come toward me and I could tell he was sorry and he knew he was wrong.  We had some words and he was sleeping by my side last night.  Our friend Les thinks he senses something is going on.  I have never thought this way but he has been acting out for three or so months now.  He hasn't behaved like this in years and now it's like he is different dog that can't be controlled.  I mean, he's still good by many people standards but not the good boy he was a few months ago.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Photos - Telling J's Grandma

The photographer mailed the pictures to my office yesterday and it was fun re-living the night we told J's family.  I thought I would share a few favorites... 

Jamie, myself and Shirley

A standing ovation before the movie and toasts were made...

Jamie and I thanking guests, about to make the announcement...

Jamie giving Shirley her "gift"...

Reading the card...

Opening the envelope inside the card with the ultrasound picture...

Looking at Jamie as Jamie confirms that we are expecting...

The best photos...

My favorite...another moment worth every bit of effort we put into this journey.

I'm lucky to have experienced this night.  This night completely blew us away.  I love seeing everyone's reactions in the photographs as Jamie announces that we're pregnant.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I woke up sick this morning.  I had sore glands on the sides of my throat and was very congested.  I drove half an hour to work and pulled into the parking garage where I got sick.  I didn't even go inside,  I got right back into my car and drove home.  I've gotten progressively worse today and I have my girls trip tomorrow.  My nose is running, my asthma is going crazy, I'm sneezing constantly, and my throat is hurting.  I called my OB and the nurse said to take Tylenol cold and to use lozenges and if I wasn't better tomorrow to call and they Dr. would call in a z-pack for me,  I know I will be calling but I do hate taking medication while pregnant, oh well, I hate being this sick too.   This sucks.  Jamie is already out of town so it's just been me and Wilson.  I have sneezed over 200 times today I would bet and I can tell even Wilson is annoyed with my sneezes.  I am annoyed with myself!   I've thought about not going on the trip but I really want to.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

15 weeks

15 seems so far to me but then I look at my trusty time ticker and realize 15 weeks is nada!

Feeling good.  Alot is the same.  Little appetite.  I still haven't tried one thing we had at the party (we had tons of leftovers).  I didn't eat dinner that night and I still haven't tasted anything other than the vegetable tray.  I weighed myself yesterday and I am one pound above where I weighed before I started my last IVF.  I'm not trying to keep weight off, it just doesn't pack on when you don't feel like eating much.  I am eating.  Today I had two kolaches for breakfast (love those), I had veggies and dip for a mid-morning snack but when a product rep. came in to give a presentation over lunch and provided lunch I lost my appetite again.  They should have to tell you before hand what you are having.  I had four salads to choose from...all with soft cheeses which I am not supposed to eat and all with sweet dressings that made me want to hurl.  I stood looking at the salads like, oh crap what do I do.  It was like choosing from something that looked disgusting, semi-disgusting and really disgusting.  I went back to my seat empty handed and then decided I better grab one and eat the accompanying roll and dessert.  That's what I did, ate the roll and dessert and trashed an entire salad. 

My love for Subway was short lived...I went back last week when nothing else sounded good and it lost it's appeal.  I can scratch that one off the list.  :( 

As far as the bump goes, my stomach itches a lot which is new.  I was also woken up by really terrible tightness in my left side the other night.  My stomach tightened and then relaxed and repeated that a few times.  I've noticed that I get up from my chair at work slower and the same goes for getting out of bed.  But all in all I feel pretty darn good and none of these symptoms will I ever complain about. 

I have a girls weekend this weekend!  I am flying to Chicago with my friend Denise and we will be picked up from the airport by two of our friends, Anna and Kristen and then we are off!  We're headed to New Buffalo, MI.  I've never been there but I am looking foward to spending time with my girlfriends.  I miss them so much.  I'm also looking forward to being the designated driver as the girls want to go to the wineries and casino's.  I don't think I will be joining them at the casino due to smoke but I am totally up for the wineries.  I am not a big drinker anyway so I may as well be the DD.  It doesn't bother me a bit...I'll just be sure to bring my camera!  Funny story, my friend Kristen was leaving a bar in college and fell on her face-BUSTING OUT ALL OF HER TOP FRONT TEETH!  I believe her parents were in town too.  I lived in Spain for 6 months with two of my girlfriends.  I love my girls.  I miss them since they live out of state as all of my friends do.  :)  Anyway, a full report on our trip next week!

Monday, August 9, 2010

We told.

Well, the weekend is over and I am still trying to wrap my head around all that happened in a few short days.  Since we were throwing the party for J's Grandmother's 85th birthday at our home I took off half of Thursday and all of Friday.  Fifty people are a lot to prepare for especially it turns out when you are pregnant and seriously lacking energy. 

Telling Jamie's Family...

Saturday was hectic.  I woke up at 2:30 AM obsessing of all I had to do to make the night perfect for J's Grandmother and her guests.  I was cooking, running errands, decorating, you name it.  At 6:00 that night 50 guests showed up and the party was on.  I walked around feverishly all night making sure everything was going well.  My back was aching, my knees were killing me and my feet were throbbing, I had been up and going strong for 16 hours by the time the party started.  Appetizers and drinks were served, dinner was served, then the movie tribute to Shirley started.  This family loves to give toasts so after the movie I anticipated a good hour of speeches but what I failed to predict and should have known better was that J's dad (knowing that we were going to announce our pregnancy after all of the toasts) was so excited for us to tell that he was rushing the guests toasts!  "Who's next!?!"  "Anyone else?"  "No?"  (not noticing a hand in the crowd and people having to tell him "Jim, Eugene wants to speak!"-Eugene's hand wavering in the air.)  Finally, the last toasts were made (whether people liked it or not!) and J's Dad said "Well, Jamie it's your turn!"  He was so excited for us to announce the pregnancy.  Jamie thanked our guests for coming and all of the people that worked so hard to make the party possible and had a card ready to give Shirley.  We purchased an over sized card that said great gifts come in small packages but the best gifts come in huge envelopes...we had a "huge" envelope inside of the card with this image on an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper...
So...Shirley is reading the card out loud and J's dad shoots across the patio and interjects "open this envelope, it's what's important, open this Mom." She opened the envelope and stared at it for a few seconds...not realizing what the black and white blob was in the middle of the page, she stared and stared and all of a sudden....screams, a few screams if I remember correctly.  Then Jamie announced to the rest of the guests "Amber and I are expecting a baby February 2, 2011" and all of the guests let out cheers and applause and stood up and gathered around Shirley, Jamie and myself.  It was the only time in my life I have enjoyed being in the spotlight for a split second because we worked so hard to get there.  J hugged Shirley first and I hugged her next and I just bawled...actually I think I did one of those ugly cries Oprah talks about.  It finally happened. 

It was all captured on video and I will post it when I get it.  Our guests chatted for a little bit which I stuck around for a good bit of but a little while later I looked at Jamie, gave him a good night kiss and went to bed with many guests still there.  I was exhausted and now...everyone knew I had a right to be!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Telling people...

It's a funny thing...telling people that we are pregnant is more difficult than I thought it would be.  We've kept our struggle with infertility a secret from most people for so long that it feels weird to tell people that we're pregnant.  We are almost 14 weeks along and we're just starting to tell people. 

In some ways I fear something terrible will happen once we tell people.  In other ways I feel like an imposter-I still don't believe I am pregnant sometimes myself.  It's hard to tell people something that just doesn't seem real.  Sometimes I feel like I am playing make believe-like when I was 5 or 6 years old and would stuff a pillow under my shirt.  It's the strangest thing, it all feels like a dream...a 14 week dream and I just haven't woken up yet.

I told my manager last week.  That was a big step but I felt badly because my former boss knew all about my infertility and IVF's and I hadn't told her.  I went to her office for a briefing this morning.  I presented her with price quotes for one project, questions for another and told myself...this is it-tell her.  I said, "One more thing - I'm pregnant."  I whispered it with a smile and looked eyes were watering.  She screamed and stood up and hugged me and told me how happy she was for Jamie and I.  The scream and the hug made me bawl like a baby and she started crying too.  It means so much to me that someone was as happy about this as we are.  A co-worker none-the-less.  I left her office soon after I told her, I couldn't get any more words out and tears were streaming down my face.  I couldn't believe I had this reaction.  I was embarrassed but all that kept running through my head was "I'm finally telling people, the journey was so long and there were so many times I wondered if this would ever happen to us and I'm telling people."  I was overcome with emotion.

This week we tell Jamie's Dad's side of the family.  We've been holding onto this secret for so long that I think it will feel great to tell people.  I just hope I don't cry then like I did today!  It's sure to be emotional's J's Grandmother's 85th birthday and she knew about the IVF's.  After the last one was successful we opted to tell her that we were still "talking to Doctors" and "figuring out next steps".  I think she will be surprised as will Aunt's and Uncles and J's sisters.  I hope they are or there is a big leak somewhere!  Surprised or not, I just want to get this out and stop hiding.  Then maybe it will feel real.  I'm ready for it to feel real.