34 weeks and grateful

In addition to my update this week I wanted to write about how grateful I am for the gift, the sheer privilege, to be expecting the baby we hoped for so badly last Christmas. I sit here the day before my 33rd birthday and two days before Christmas and know that I have already received the best gift I could ever hope for.  I am a lucky, lucky girl.  I've got a baby in my belly and a husband I can't get enough of.

How far along? 34 weeks! 

Baby's size? A melon! (Confused because we have already been a melon before in this pregnancy, but maybe we are a bigger melon?)  19.5 inches!

Weight Gain? 19 pounds.

Sleep? INSOMNIA!  Up two mornings this week at 4:45 and one morning at 1:45.  Wide awake.  Turns out this is a great time to get stuff done.  Grocery lists, checking emails, catching up on recorded shows I've missed.  Then I head to work where the day drags on.  My shoulder and back are feeling better though.  The major pains are gone for now so that's good.  Terrible round ligament pain last night.  Man, those hurt.  I'll gladly deal with it but I still nod my head at Michelle Duggar.

Food? Still loving my milk.

Best moment this week? J feeling Star move after dinner the other night.  He finally felt her squirm instead of kick.  I love looking at his face when he feels something.

Movement? Lots! Especially after dinner.  I also sat in an hour meeting yesterday and watched my belly move.  It's so crazy to see it moving.  Star is still sticking her butt out a lot.  All of a sudden there's a little round ball protruding from my round belly right under my rib cage.  I always say that Star is sticking her booty out.

Symptoms? Insomnia and swelling of hands and feet.  My skin on my stomach is finally stretched pretty tight and..........SNORING.   I used to be a silent sleeper but as soon as  I lay down, like instantly, my sinuses fill and I start coughing.  I heard snoring is normal during pregnancy in our classes and several women admitted to snoring in our class but I hate the thought of snoring.  I hate that I woke J up the other morning.  Probably the only time he has gotten up before me on a work day.  I went downstairs after he got up and rounded the corner into the kitchen and he said "You're fired!"  I woke the poor guy up and he wanted to fire me as his bed mate!  I have to write about another night a few weeks ago that I went to bed early and was all tucked into my nest, drifted off to sleep while J lay beside me watching TV only to be woken by laughter..giggling...I opened my eyes and there was J, looking at me, giggling with this face of disbelief at the sounds I was making!  Waking up to someone laughing at you snore?  So embarrassing!  He told me he would have recorded it on his phone had the dog not been laying on him.  I told him he better NEVER record me snoring...no girl wants to be recorded snoring!

What I miss? Nothing.

What I'm looking forward to? Our next ultrasound.  We met with Dr. B Tuesday night and he said there appears to be a large amount of amniotic fluid (which he hadn't mentioned before) and of course we know that Star measured rather large last time...so I am looking forward to seeing what happens next ultrasound. 

Looking forward to Christmas Eve at J's Mom's again this year and I am also looking forward to Christmas morning again this year.  I have some gifts I hope J will really love and I am excited to host breakfast for the third year in a row with my brother, his wife and my niece.  J and I make Christmas morning breakfast casserole and Martha Stewart's french toast made with challah bread.  It's delicious and it makes Christmas morning that much better when you start it off with a great breakfast.  That evening we are making dinner for J's Dad and Step mom and seeing a movie.  Not excited about seeing "The fighter" but there aren't many options I like at the theatre right now unfortunately.  Oh well. 

Weekly Wisdom: I am with and be grateful for the gift of being pregnant.

Milestones: I think insomnia is a big milestone...I had been waiting for it and here it is.  I don't mind it, I kind of like getting things done with extra hours in my day but let's face it sleep is always better than little to no sleep.  

What I love: Realizing that the time is just ticking away.  I was talking to girls at work and we all said that it felt like just last week that I found out I was pregnant...I can't believe we are in week 34.  Time is flying.  Makes me understand how people look at their kids and say how time has flown by.

Emotions:  So, I have a strange pregnancy side effect.  It's reoccured my entire pregnancy and I haven't written about it but figured I should just to document it.   I don't even know how to put this without sounding super weird.  For the last 7-8 months I have had really really really sad thoughts about dogs.   These thoughts are accompanied by vivid visuals and it has happened probably 8-10 times at least.  I wrote about a terrible dream I had about our dog Bowden and his skin coming off, etc.  I woke up crying and totally upset by it for a couple of days.  That was the first or second time.  I had the same thing happen about him a few more times including the day we put him to sleep.  I relived the terrible moment we put him down in the vet's office and what I kept envisioning was the life leaving his eyes.   Then it was about my family dog growing up.  Then it was about a dog J and I saw killed in front of us on Valentines Day six years ago, then it was about my current dog, Wilson and seeing him be put to sleep in the future and then this week I have seen a large dead dog on the side of the highway on my way to work four days in a row.  It's unlike anything I have ever experienced.  My therapist is puzzled by it.  I wish it would stop happening.  It is so scary and sad.  I see something that reminds me of these things and vivid memories or visuals come and then I can't shake them.  I am usually minding my own business, not thinking of anything imparticular when a fleeting thought comes and takes over my emotions, it's happened on my way to work, ending in uncontrollable sobbing.  It happened on a run to the fabric store in the parking lot.  I hadn't even parked yet when I had to stop at a stop sign and clear my eyes and get myself together.  I am basically reliving any terrible time I had with a pet or other animal...from saying good bye, to putting them to sleep to seeing them get killed in front of me.  More so than the memories, it's the visuals which are so detailed that bothers me.  I feel like that kid that says "I see dead people".  I see dead dogs????  So, strange.  I'm really hoping this goes away after pregnancy.

Projects: We will be tackling Star's room this weekend.  I have said this the last few weeks but time is a tickin' and we gotta get moving.

Merry Christmas!