Saturday, May 29, 2010

2ww Symptoms-6dp3dt -13dp3dt

I have listed my symptoms through out my 2ww below and below that I have listed my experience through the 2ww day by day.  I wanted to keep a diary of my 2ww symptoms and our testing experience in hopes that it would help someone the way that so many women helped me  by listing their 2ww symptoms.

2WW Symptoms -

1dp3dt-Sharp twinges in low center area of abdomen. A little emotional. Ewcm pm. Vivid dreams about finding out 1 embie made it


3dp3dt-itchy chest, twinges on my r ovary area, vivid dreams last night about friend painting, throbbing in right ovary like a heart beat approx 20-30 times in a minute time, felt like a string pulling from my belly button to my left side a few times in the afternoon, light lower abdominal cramping at night for about a minute, cried after dinner, feel stressed and emotional then okay

4dp3dt-upset stomach this morning, cold sore, light nausea with upset stomach, slight head ache right side, felt like period cramping for 5 secs low abdomen

5dp3dt-slight stomach pains - nothing bad. Throat congested this morning. Back pains in late afternoon. Very emotional, cried this morning at work and tonight when j read letter from his employee. Got very hot at work all of a sudden.

6dp3dt-cramps!!! Like af is coming. Very strong. Extremely light nausea. Ewcm. Up at 2:45 am. Couldn't get back to sleep. Waking up sweaty many nights. Still peeing a couple times a night.

7dp3dt- Emotional, cried at Botanical Garden when a boy with Autism was scared of the tram he was on and had to get off, felt so bad for his Mom but she handled it so beautifully. That must be so hard, my heart was with her and with him. One lady on the tram was so kind as to ask the boys name and to give him a hand for being so brave and getting on the train.

8dp3dt- Emotional. large glob of thick yellow CM (I was excited to see this as I had heard it was a good sign)

9dp3dt- Nausea! Driving home from store with HPT! I ate veggies and fruit non-stop today, I said at lunch I could eat a horse! So tired, went to bed at 8:15. A tiny bit of brownish colored CM which I had heard was normal. Breasts have bright blue veins.

10dp3dt- Pulling on my left side, can't explain it but I had heard about this from other girls with BFP's. Cramping last night. Tired.

11dp3dt - Was so tired at work, right after lunch I started an email to my manager asking to take the day off then deleted the email. Started email again, then deleted it. So tired I could have slept at my desk but didn't want to take the time off of work. I finally went out to my car and laid down for 30 mins. Came back, still tired. Drove home. Laid on sofa in sun room while dinner was cooking. Ate, then laid on sofa in office (some light cramping). Went to bed at 9:00.

13dp3dt - tiny amounts of brownish discharge, nurse says this is normal. Cramping. Feeling like I am going to gag if I don't eat something and after I eat something.

My experience during the 2ww day by day...
6dp3dt (Friday, May 21)- I've been googling much of the day about symptoms.  I had crazy cramps this morning and I am hoping that they are implantation cramps.  (I was walking around my office and literally had to stop and grab a cubical to support myself until the cramping passed this morning) I had cramps in the middle of the night before as well but I wasn't sure if I just had an upset stomach at 2:45 A.M. or if this was also implantation. The cramps at work were actual cramps like AF was about to arrive, the type of cramp I had read about on all of the message boards.  I am excited for the first time and want to test.  I texted Jamie to tell him I am dying to POAS!  He didn't respond so I called him, he's having lunch with his Dad---oops!  I want to wait for him to come home though so we can test together and find out together.  I leave work at 1:00 and stop by a favorite lunch spot to pick up a bacon, egg and spinach panini (more protein for my growing embryos) and head home.  I eat and then go lie on the sofa knowing the tests are in the other room and telling myself to wait.  I am tired so I go upstairs to take a nap with Wilson and I can't sleep.  J calls and says he is on his way home, I get out of bed and can't believe I did this only 6dp3dt but I looked at my dog who was still lying in bed and I go to give him a scratch behind the ears and whispered "Wilson, I think I'm pregnant."  I was startled when I heard the words come out of my mouth.  J came home around 3:15 and I tell him about my cramping and what I have researched and a couple of hours later after going back and forth on whether we should test or not we decide to POAS both half smiling in anticipation of what could be.  We have a nice dinner planned and I am scared that a negative could impact our nice dinner but a positive would make it such a great dinner.  We come up with a plan, I am to POAS and hand it to J, the "POAS Warden".  I pee on the stick and give it to J.  He rolls it up in a paper towel (no idea why) and sets it on the kitchen counter.  It becomes the big elephant in the room as we both try to go about our business and act like it isn't there.  After the allotted three minutes J walks over to the paper towel calmly and heart is racing...he picks it up,turns around, opens the trash can and deposits it.  I'm crushed but I know it's REALLY early.  I dig it out of the trash look at it to verify and look for any possible faint line and confirm it's negative.  I feel guilty for testing, for ruining J's Friday night with my dumb hope for something positive.  We went out to dinner , had a great meal outside and at one point I tell J "Please don't let tonight's test worry you.  We're are really early in the process, it's too early to be testing and if there was something to worry about I would be worried, okay?"  I think this made him feel better.  We walked to Whole Foods and called it a night.

7dp3dt (Saturday, May 22)-  I woke up first this morning and tested on my own.  Test was negative.  I didn't even mention taking the test to J.  It's still early but I am wondering if I will ever see those two lines.  Losing hope before I should even be having hope.  Why did I start testing so soon?  I tell myself I should have waited to test until 10dpt-no sooner.

8dp3dt (Sunday, May 23)- I woke up earlier than J this morning and of course the first thing on my mind was testing.  J had a rough night of sleep and he slept until 9:30 or so.  He woke up when I came up to put laundry away.  J said "If you test I want to see".  I sat on the side of the bed and told him I was scared and then started crying.  (I've been pretty emotional lately).  I told him I was losing hope and wondered what we will do should all of this not work out.  I told him that I hated that we had to pay so much to do things that other couples do for free and told him how sorry I was that we were having to spend so much of the money we work so hard for on something that may not work.  He was so reassuring and so supportive and rubbed my back and hugged me as he said "It's okay, it's okay, it's not a big deal, we'll get through it"  He called Wilson over to provide some back up reassurance and we headed downstairs. 

I grabbed a test, I once again peed on a stick and handed it to J who hid it in a drawer.  This makes me laugh.  We both tried to go about our morning while keeping an eye on the clock.  I was cooking at the stove when I saw Jamie reach into a drawer behind me and pull the stick out.  I held my breath waiting....I felt a kiss on the back  of my neck and then heard the trash can open and saw the test put in the trash.  My heart sank once again.  I continued cooking and J left the room and all of a sudden I felt the need once again to pull the stick out of the trash and verify.  I picked it up and turned the test over only to find a second verrrrrrrrrrrrry faint line.  "Jamie, Jamie, Jamie!!!!!!"   "There's a second line!!!!!  It's very faint but I see it and I've heard that if you can even detect a second line then you could be pregnant!!!!"  I walked with the test to the office where he was and we met half way in the foyer.  

I showed him and he inspected closely and said "yeah, I see it" and I saw the quickest smile and then I saw it leave his face as if I saw his brain telling him "Oh my God, we're pregnant" and then tell him "don't believe it, it's too good to be true."  That killed me but if I had to be the one to hold out hope for us then I would.  I told J a faint line means the test detected HCG!  I wanted to google and show him all of the things I had read about it.  While the computer logged on I ran upstairs and found the instruction pamphlet that came with the tests and started reading it for information on faint lines.  That's when I saw "disregard negative results after 10 minutes".  Had it been ten minutes?  I guessed that by this time it had been over 10 minutes but when did that line show up while the test sat in the trash?"  I yelled upstairs "Never mind" and told him what I had read.  I threw the test away.  Once again I had given J hope and then ripped it out from under him.  I felt horrible but there was something in that second faint line that gave me the smallest amount of hope.  We got dressed and headed out for the day to stock up on groceries and run a couple of other errands.  We were both in a good mood and I have to say that what I have loved about this infertility journey?  I feel so much love between J and I.  We hold hands, lightly tickle each others arms every where we go just because we know the other loves it, (we are always asking for tickles in our house) we put our arms around each other when we're walking, we laugh...we are each others best source of support.  I am more in love with him than I was the day I married him and we just encountered the toughest test of our marriage, two IVF cycles.  He is so amazing.  So strong and yet so compassionate.  He's my best friend, hands down.

J was very tired tonight since he had such bad sleep the night before and I stayed in bed next to him trying to sleep.  I kept thinking about that line this morning and kept hearing myself say "something feels different".  I was feeling a lot of tingling in my abdomen and it had felt kind of tight the last few hours with a couple of weird pulling sensations.  I couldn't sleep and all I could think about was waiting to test in the morning.  Finally after a few more minutes I thought to myself "Just get up and test, you can still test in the morning but test now to ease your mind so you can sleep."  So I got up and tested and saw the faintest pink line again.   I had to tilt the test several times to be sure I saw it but I found satisfaction in knowing that the faint line was still there and this time within three minutes.  I tried to take a picture but the line was so faint it wouldn't photograph.  I went back to bed.

9dp3dt (Monday) - I tested again this morning and there is still a faint line.  I wish it would get darker but I am just so thrilled it's still there.  I keep thinking it's going to disappear.  I showed Jamie.  I think he's been burned one too many times now.  He looked at it, said "mmm hmmm" and handed it back and went back to sleep.  No smile or anything.  That's okay, I am smiling for the both of us and hold hope for both of us.

On the way home from work I stopped by the grocery store and happened by the aisle where HPT's are. Imagine that :) I grabbed a different brand and told Jamie when I came home that I bought more tests!  I unloaded the groceries and snuck off to POAS and the plus sign on this brand came up fast and darker than the other brand.  I walked into the kitchen holding the test up and said "It's positive, do you believe me now?"  He stared at it and stared at it and said "What's this?" as he pointed to another separate line.  I got the instructions.  "That's the control window".  He stared at it some more.  I said "I showed you a positive one this morning, when are you going to accept it and be happy?"  I had to go to and show him examples of other women's tests for the same brands we are using and how some times lines are darker than others.  This man would only be satisfied if both lines were the same shade!  I saw that brief smile again once he started seeing tests that looked like ours and away it went once again.  We were both feeling the same thing-afraid to be excited.   I told Jamie, let's just be excited for where we are right now, imagine how we would feel if all of these tests were negative.  Let's be excited for this moment because there will be milestones to fear for a long time...the beta, the second beta,  first ultraound, the first heart beat scan, etc.  This is the first little milestone and I feel so blessed.  He said you are taking all of this for gospel and ready to tell the world.  I said no, I'm not, I am not even blogging about it!  I haven't told anyone.  I asked for a hug and he said he didn't want to jinx anything and said that I can have a hug on Friday after the beta.  We went into our separate living rooms and a minute later he came in and we started sentences with "if this works out...".  

10dp3dt (Tuesday, May 24) - I woke up this morning and was satisfied enough from looking at the test last night to not POAS again, but Jamie came downstairs and asked me to.  (this is the first time POAS has been considered fun in this household).  So in the bathroom I went, he unwrapped it and stepped out and I emerged a couple minutes later and handed it to him.  It only took a minute before I saw him smirk.  A few minutes later he had the camera out, the big camera and our HPT was having a photo shoot!

Jamie emailed me a copy later.  I can't help but smile when I look at this picture.  I feel so blessed and so scared at the same time.  I have caught myself thinking, "I'm pregnant" and immediately start thanking God for this gift.  I have asked him to keep watching over us.  It's still so new we still can't wrap our heads around it.  It doesn't seem real. 

11dp3dt (Wednesday, May 26) - I woke up this morning, showered and got dressed.  I asked the POAS Warden if he wanted me to POAS and he whipped off the covers and jumped out of bed and said "Yes".  I gave it to him once I capped it and he walked off.  A few minutes later I asked for some results, I mean I knew the answer but it's always interesting to see what he's going to say because he won't believe it's real until the Beta.  He said, "there is a faint line". I took it and compared it to the was darker than the last one.

12dp3dt (Thursday, May 27) - Tested this morning with the original brand we started testing with and the second line was dark very quickly.

13dp3dt (Friday, May 28) - Test day.  Read post above for more information.

1 comment:

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Thanks for posting all of your symptoms and your testing story. I am at 7dp3dt and had a negative this morning (didn't want to post about it yet). But it helps to hear it's still early, and your beta was high! I am having similar symptoms to you, but afraid to get excited. Especially after POAS.