Monday, August 9, 2010

We told.

Well, the weekend is over and I am still trying to wrap my head around all that happened in a few short days.  Since we were throwing the party for J's Grandmother's 85th birthday at our home I took off half of Thursday and all of Friday.  Fifty people are a lot to prepare for especially it turns out when you are pregnant and seriously lacking energy. 

Telling Jamie's Family...

Saturday was hectic.  I woke up at 2:30 AM obsessing of all I had to do to make the night perfect for J's Grandmother and her guests.  I was cooking, running errands, decorating, you name it.  At 6:00 that night 50 guests showed up and the party was on.  I walked around feverishly all night making sure everything was going well.  My back was aching, my knees were killing me and my feet were throbbing, I had been up and going strong for 16 hours by the time the party started.  Appetizers and drinks were served, dinner was served, then the movie tribute to Shirley started.  This family loves to give toasts so after the movie I anticipated a good hour of speeches but what I failed to predict and should have known better was that J's dad (knowing that we were going to announce our pregnancy after all of the toasts) was so excited for us to tell that he was rushing the guests toasts!  "Who's next!?!"  "Anyone else?"  "No?"  (not noticing a hand in the crowd and people having to tell him "Jim, Eugene wants to speak!"-Eugene's hand wavering in the air.)  Finally, the last toasts were made (whether people liked it or not!) and J's Dad said "Well, Jamie it's your turn!"  He was so excited for us to announce the pregnancy.  Jamie thanked our guests for coming and all of the people that worked so hard to make the party possible and had a card ready to give Shirley.  We purchased an over sized card that said great gifts come in small packages but the best gifts come in huge envelopes...we had a "huge" envelope inside of the card with this image on an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper...
So...Shirley is reading the card out loud and J's dad shoots across the patio and interjects "open this envelope, it's what's important, open this Mom." She opened the envelope and stared at it for a few seconds...not realizing what the black and white blob was in the middle of the page, she stared and stared and all of a sudden....screams, a few screams if I remember correctly.  Then Jamie announced to the rest of the guests "Amber and I are expecting a baby February 2, 2011" and all of the guests let out cheers and applause and stood up and gathered around Shirley, Jamie and myself.  It was the only time in my life I have enjoyed being in the spotlight for a split second because we worked so hard to get there.  J hugged Shirley first and I hugged her next and I just bawled...actually I think I did one of those ugly cries Oprah talks about.  It finally happened. 

It was all captured on video and I will post it when I get it.  Our guests chatted for a little bit which I stuck around for a good bit of but a little while later I looked at Jamie, gave him a good night kiss and went to bed with many guests still there.  I was exhausted and now...everyone knew I had a right to be!


christina said...

First, I just want to say I don't think I've ever commented on your blog! Maybe I have, not sure. Either way, I'm now in tears!! Congratulations, what an amazing blanket of love and support. I'm laughing and crying because his dad sounds hilarious.

But I also want to mention that I don't have a relationship with either of my parents. I'm sorry that you're dealing with the issues with your mom. It isn't easy. Actually, it breaks my heart at times, but I have said from the very beginning of our IF journey that I did appreciate that our future children would know how much love we had for them far before they were ever conceived. They will know how much we longed for them and what a blessing and answered prayer they are. I never felt that. I always knew my sister and I were mistake babies and my parents didn't hide that with their selfish acts.

For me, as hard as it is to not have my parents in the picture for Wren, as tough as it is knowing that she'll never know her grandparents, it's not nearly as tough as the disappointment she would feel from a one-sided, selfish relationship with people who aren't truly capable of giving unconditional love. I never want to expose her to that possibility. So she'll have my grandparents, and my husband's wonderful and supportive parents and aunts and uncles and friends and two parents who adore her. That WILL be enough.

I know this has to be tough on you, but I hope you aren't too tough on yourself. Enjoy every second of this miracle. Like Oprah says, "When you know better, you do better." That's all we can plan for...doing better for our kids.

Congrats again on letting the cat out of the bag! Wishing you all the best!!

Jessica said...

I'm sorry to hear your mom's response...I wish things with her could be different. It sounds like J's family was ecstatic...that's how it should be!!

BabyWid said...

I'm sorry for your mom's response. I wish it would have been way different. I'm so happy that J's family were over the moon for you. Their response was what everyone's should have been!!

Life Happens said...

I can't believe the response you got from your mom! But when I finished reading your post, it made me shed tears of joy for you. What an amazing gift!

Keep the positive people in your life!

T said...

I am not even going to comment about your mother. I do not think she even deserves that.

The story in how your told J's family gave me chills. What an amazing birthday gift to finally give her. Again, congratulations!!

katy w. said...

Hi! I am a "lurker" and haven't ever commented. After reading this post, I really felt compelled to let you know how happy I am for you and your hubby. As someone who has now been trying officially for 5 years, with no success (yet!), I am always buoyed with hope when I can read stories like yours. Thank you for putting yourself out there. Although I may not have been a good commenter, your story has helped me keep trudging along on this crazy journey.

I was touched at your husband's family's reaction and found myself in tears. How wonderful it is to have a group of people around you that can truly be happy for you and your husband!

I'm so sorry for your mom's reaction. It is ridiculous that some family members cannot escape their insecurities and mental illness enough to realize that they are letting precious moments and relationships slip away so capriciously. That is not your fault.

Just remember, real family is not bound by blood relations, it is who you choose. I think that you are making the right choice by surrounding yourself with those who want the best for you, not just themselves. Life is too short to throw that energy away.

Thank you again for your honesty and letting us all share in your story. Congratulations to you both again!!! You both deserve this happiness!!

Alex said...

I'm in tears thinking about the party and how you told everyone - amazing, just amazing! I'm so happy for you.

And I'm very sorry about your mother's email. Breaks my heart. Move on, sweetie, just move on.

One Who Understands said...

Your mother's email was awful! How can a mother be so selfish?!? I am really sorry you have to go through all of this right now. You don't need the stress. I love DH's family and how excited they were. I'm also glad the BIG party went off without a hitch.