Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tomorrow, tomorrow...

Well, it's here!  We start our meds tomorrow.  It feels like we have waited so long!  We stopped trying to conceive on our own in October and this is our first chance almost four months later.   I feel positive for the most part but every once in a while I get a twinge of panic.  About three times in the last couple of weeks I have felt my heart drop and my eyes tear up.   It happened to me Saturday while walking the track at our gym.  I was fine and walking along to my ipod one second and the next I was pleading for this to work with tears in my eyes.  Then it passes very quickly.  There is so much pressure.  For the most part though I am excited and I think that has a lot to do with the mood I have been in lately.  We finally have a chance!  That makes my heart swell with happiness!

Here are a couple of pictures to show you just how much I have been looking foward to starting this cycle...

Exhibit A-My desk calendar which I have been marking x's on each day

Exhibit B-One corner of my desk at work where I keep the cards that J has given me regarding our struggles and even a sweet note from his mom.  There is also a quote that says "When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."  Unknown.  There are pictures of my niece there as well and my medicine calendar too.  The flowers are from one of my managers for a job well done!  It may seem silly to have a corner of my desk with all of these things but, I sit at my desk for nine hours a day.  It's where I do most of my thinking about infertility, make most of my emails and calls to the Dr.'s office, etc.  Anyone just walking by wouldn't know what these things are, but to me the cards, pictures, calendars, etc. are how I make it day to day and remind me of all that's coming up when I feel down.


We have a to do list for tonight...

1,)  Our friends gave us a baby sage bundle and a karma ring for our house warming about a month ago.  We are supposed to light the sage bundle and cleanse ourselves and make a wish with the karma ring and hang it in our home.   So, I told J when we got this that i thought we should save them for the night before we start our IVF meds.  That's tonight!  We will light the sage and bring the smoke over our face and body and let it cleanse us and use the rest around the house to cleanse it.  As for the karma ring, we are supposed to wish for something we want very badly and then hang the ring.  I told J that I thought we should hand the ring in the the room that would be the nursery after making our wish.  We obviously didn't even have to agree on what to wish for, when we discussed this we saw it in each others eyes. 

2.)  Receive box of meds from box on front porch, unpack and organize them. 

3.)  Watch injection education video with Jamie and get a refresher on how to administer lupron shots.

4.)  Get everything ready for the morning when I will receive first dose before work.

Please think good thoughts for us.

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