For the last couple of weeks my husband has been extremely supportive and present for me. It's made me reflect a lot about his involvement in this process.
Initially this journey started out feeling like more of a solo journey than a journey with a partner. I made the Doctor's appointments, it was my instinct that made me book more follow-up appointments, I bought the books and spent countless hours researching on the internet. I signed up for fertilityfriend.com where I learned to document my cycles each month, take my basal body temperature, decipher mucous types and other bodily symptoms, bought the pregnancy tests and opk's, and the list goes on and on. There were a couple of points along the way where I kind of exploded on J. I could feel the weight of infertility resting squarely on my shoulders. I wanted him to take more of an interest and be more involved. I explained to him one time, that he could do simple things...get me more prenatal vitamins or folic acid when he saw I was low, learn about charting, ask questions, attend appointments, etc.
Slowly I started noticing a change in Jamie. I think that as time went on Jamie may have started to realize that we weren't trying to have a baby anymore, we were struggling to have a baby. Jamie started attending the appointments. He's been to every single one since July. It felt so good to have a second set of ears to hear all of the information thrown out during each meeting. He had opinions which I valued. Jamie took more of an interest in charting and even learned my username and password to fertilityfriend.com and would log my temperatures and any other symptoms on weekends. It felt so good to have a partner in this.
As the IVF approaches I am seeing a side of J I have never seen before. He's my rock, he reminds me to be supportive and lifts my spirits. This means so much to me with all that we have coming up in the next couple of months and the timing couldn't be more perfect. I was talking to J on the phone when I received an email from a good friend announcing her pregnancy. She was so sweet to send me a private email before posting it on facebook and it meant a lot. I was talking to J and skimming over the email and saw "pregnant" I re-read it and interrupted J and said "_____ is pregnant" I think he could hear the mix of happiness and sadness in my voice. He said "think positive thoughts". The next morning before work I noticed a gift bag on our kitchen stools, it had a big heart made of roses on the bag and I thought I can't believe he:
- a.) already bought me a valentine's gift
- b.) left it in plain sight as he knows I love to ruin surprises
Yesterday, Jamie and I had
Anyway, I wrote J an email this morning letting him know that I was grateful for his support, he responded back and all is good again in our household. You know, all too often during this journey I have had so many negative thoughts about myself. It's hard knowing that the struggles you and your husband face are your fault. I am still amazed that J has never once blamed this on me during this process, or ever made it seem like we are sacrificing money or things for IVF. What a difference a year makes. I thank my lucky stars for my Jamie, my greatest support, my trophy husband.