Oh Crappy Days .

Be prepared-there's alot of bitching in this post. I will fill in my sixteen week/four month(!!!) post tomorrow or Friday.

All I have wanted for weeks now is for my life to return to normal.  No party planning, no traveling, just home with Jamie.  Normal.  I couldn't wait to get back from my girls weekend for that reason.  I would finally have time to relax and just be pregnant without so many stresses.  The girls weekend was fabulous by the way.  I was sick the entire weekend but I was surrounded by three of my favorite girls who took great care of me and made me laugh.  I guess things started going crappy once I got off the plane.  I realized I left two new towels on the plane that I had bought from the Polo outlet during our vacation.  I called the ass holes, inredibly helpful,  and friendly people at the airlines lost and found for two days and sure enough-the towels mysteriously weren't there.   I figured that anything in a Polo outlet bag had a target on it anyway.  I knew it was a gonner but figured I would call anyway.  An hour later I received a text from our house sitter saying our hot water was out.  Fun times.  All I wanted was a hot shower after traveling and when I finally did shower it was like the water was fresh from a glacier.  $1000.00 later we have a new water heater!

For the last 6 days I have been so sick while my immune system has checked out.  I know it is protecting the baby but I miss my immune system.  I haven't been this sick in probably 8 years.  I can't lie down because I cough continuously so I sleep sitting up which is difficult for me.  I cough so hard sometimes that I gag and my nose is constantly stuffy.  My ribs ache from all of the coughing.  This has all made for some crappy days.  I was late to work on Monday...three hours late because I got no sleep the night before. 
So I walk inside last night and get in my comfy clothes because I feel so restricted in work clothes now, I make my way to the living room and freak out on my dog when I realize he has taken three peaches off of the counter and eaten them to their pits (We are always amazed that he knows not to eat the banana peels from bananas or pits from peaches...)there is orange colored peach ALL OVER MY BRAND NEW CARPET.  I have rarely if ever yelled at Wilson but he knew to be afraid of me, I was like a raging bull!  He cowered in the corner of the dining room and then sought shelter under the desk chair where he stayed for two hours.  I cried and scrubbed and cried and scrubbed just feeling bad for the day I was having.  I got most of the carpet cleaned up and knew I had to eat something.  Last time I weighed (Tuesday) I was half a pound under what I was when I started IVF in May.  Not good at four months pregnant.  Nothing sounds good, I am just eating at this point whatever won't make me sick and simply eating to provide something for the baby.  We had nothing at home to eat so I get dressed again, walk to the office to give Wilson a glare and leave.  I returned with veggie tortilla soup, cucumber tomato salad and waffles.  I have four bites of soup and dinner is over.  I can't eat any more.  This has been how every night is.  Saturday while with the girls I ordered a cheese pizza at dinner only to have it come to the table and not touch it.  Thank goodness I had a cup of gazpacho before hand.  I wake up to my stomach growling in the middle of the night  if I don't eat dinner.  It's so frustrating.  I am hungry but nothing sounds good.  Jamie's been amazing about it and keeps telling me to go out and get whatever I need but honestly that often involves driving far-I drove fifteen minutes the other night just for salad and pasta con broccoli.

I don't know what to do about food.  I keep hoping my appetite will come back but it hasn't at all.  I have an appointment Friday with my regular doctor because my asthma is out of control and I am taking my inhaler around 10 times a day when it's supposed to be 2 times a week.  I am only surviving this cold because I take Tylenol cold medicine every four hours which isn't even doing that much for me.  I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow as well and I fear I will break down in front of him.  I don't feel like I am doing anything right, not sleeping, not eating enough, taking too many bad medicines...I'm stressed...it's just a lot.  The guilt surrounding the things I fear are affecting the baby is so much.

Wilson and I made up later.  I was watching TV and after lifting his head and making eye contact with me many times he bravely decided to come toward me and I could tell he was sorry and he knew he was wrong.  We had some words and he was sleeping by my side last night.  Our friend Les thinks he senses something is going on.  I have never thought this way but he has been acting out for three or so months now.  He hasn't behaved like this in years and now it's like he is different dog that can't be controlled.  I mean, he's still good by many people standards but not the good boy he was a few months ago.